Log in

Let off steam! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

(no subject) [Jun. 18th, 2012|12:58 am]

[Current Location |United States, Florida, Jacksonville]

So, I'd think that my boss was trying to make me crazier than I already am, if I thought he were smart enough to pull something like that off on purpose. As it stands, my declining mental stability and the amusement it seems to give him as all been do to a series of 'happy accidents' it would seem. In the past two months he has completely gone off the rails. I'm no longer allowed to get up and walk to the freezer when I need a new ice pack, or get up and walk around at all unless I'm going to the printer. I was denied the chance to grab a better chair to, maybe, ease some of the discomfort I as having when I sat down, not because I don't have seniority (I've been working second shift longer than he has) but because 'it wouldn't be fair' if one person got a new chair and the others didn't. One day not too long ago, the pain was so bad I couldn't sit at all, and had to work standing because a.) I couldn't get the chair, b.) they took away my access to my ice packs and c.) they don't offer a health package worth a shit that would allow me to have kept up my PT. I was told to sit down because I was being a distraction to those around me.

And, I realize this all sounds like nonsense, so here's a bit of introduction and back story; I have scoliosis, which was discovered in true comedy of errors fashion after I mis-stepped coming off a horse a few years back. My ankle turned purple and started to resemble a rugby ball by the time I'd gotten back home, I didn't have insurance at the time so a chiropractor friend of my uncle's offered to x-ray it for me. Turned out that the chronic pain that my mom swore was just 'growing pains', I simply chalked up to years in ballet, and my doctor swore was arthritis, was actually a fun s shaped curve to my spine that was keeping my ankle from healing (apparently I'd sprained it when it got stuck in the stirrup). Of course, I have an aunt that had had scoliosis, and my mom was annoying my doctor twice a year to check me growing up, but they missed it and now I get to live with the knowledge that unless I get a metal rod fused to my spine I'm going to have to live with constant pain in my lower back, hips, and knees. Which is awesome, I get to feel like an old woman, and I'm not even out of my twenties. It gets better though, about six months after my attempt at recapturing my youth I got into an accident of the auto kind. A drunk driver plowed into the back of my SUV while I was stopped at a red light. She was going, at least 80 mph, totaled her boyfriend's Mustang and took off into the woods, fleeing the scene on foot. At first it didn't seem to be so bad, the Mustang appeared to take the most abuse, my spare tire had been knocked lose from under my SUV and I had a ding in the back of it, and wear on the tires from the short ride I went on upon impact. I was sore, but too scared of not getting seen to properly due to my 'pre-existing condition' (plus, I really dislike the thought of pain pills, which is different story altogether). Anyway, long story short, I ended up in PT three times a week for two years because it turned out the impact had done a number on my neck and shoulders, in addition screwing with my already messed up back. The dude's insurance company stopped paying after two years though, my insurance company sent me to a chiropractor for a second opinion and was told to cut me loose, as he didn't see my ever being able to stop treatment and was unable to give them a ballpark time frame and/or cost, and I don't have proper insurance to pay for PT, so that stopped about a year ago. I have never been in more pain that I have been this past year. I broke down and begged an adjustment from my uncle's buddy about a month ago and got about a half a week's reprieve. I can't sleep most of the time because the pain keeps me up, and I've started living on the sofa in my living room because when I can lay down I need the extra support the back gives me.

I have enough to deal with without my place of employment turning into one of the seven layers of hell. I just have to keep reminding myself I'm giving my notice next month. Why does time seem to crawl by?

Anyway, hi! Good to meet y'all, and thanks for letting me vent. My friends, they mean well, but they don't get how awful being in constant pain is. I know it could be worse, much, much worse, but sometimes it just drains me and the effort it takes to drag myself out of my apartment, let alone to work and school leaves me with very little energy left to pretend to be cheerful.
link12 comments|post comment

birth control is none of your business [May. 19th, 2012|05:08 am]

mother in law,

you have known for 11 + years that your son and i were not going to have children--partly due to my health and partly due to your aversion to children.

so do you have to insist on asking your son if this is what he wants? i certainly can't make him have a vasectomy! he chose to do it because i wanted to get off HBC. you didn't call me to see if this was what i wanted so i may conclude that you assume this is my choice not to reproduce. that is so not the case.

the only reason he even told you was because he knew he may not have attended the birthday party the next day.

you don't deserve grandchildren JOCASTA. (oedipus'wife/mother). what is the reverse of the oedipal complex? cause you have it in a big way!!!

back off!!!
your daughter in law.
link4 comments|post comment

No show carer [Apr. 12th, 2012|03:31 pm]

I mostly manage to do things for myself. Putting out trash and putting away my shopping are totally beyond me though, so (after much arguing from family and friends) I finally caved and booked a carer to come in once a week for 2 hours. They were supposed to put away my shopping once it was delivered and do any light domestic stuff I needed doing. Great, right? Helpful, right?

Well, no. The 'great' and 'helpful' part only applies if they actually frigging well show up. If no one shows up, I have to ask the delivery driver to put the groceries into the utility room, then ask my aunt to come down and put it away (while apologising profusely for bothering her yet again).

So, thanks, carers - or rather, non-carers - for the no show. I *really* appreciate it.
link12 comments|post comment

(no subject) [Mar. 30th, 2012|10:18 am]
My primary care doctor sucks. I have to date gotten into fights with her three times, all regarding her being unable to respect my ability to make decisions about my own care.

One of the worst things about her is that she is weirdly buttmad about physical therapy.

Read more...Collapse )
link5 comments|post comment

disability problems [Mar. 26th, 2012|07:12 am]

hey, sorry for posting again in such a short period of time! i just wanted to let you all know about a tumblr about disabilities i co-run with three other women.

the main thing we do is post disability problems, some from our own experiences and some from submissions, and i thought that might be relevant to this community since it's basically venting some of the problems that come with being disabled.


[Image text: Disability Problem #19: “But I’ve seen you walk, why do you need a wheelchair?”]

three more under the cut!Collapse )
link10 comments|post comment

Oh wow that is irritating... [Mar. 25th, 2012|09:03 pm]

Cut for disabilist slurs.

snipCollapse )
link2 comments|post comment

Coughing and buses [Mar. 12th, 2012|08:12 pm]

I have asthma and I also have acid reflux disease. Both of these conditions mean that I cough. Now, 99.9 percent of the time I cover my mouth when I cough, but on occasion my hands are full or I'm wearing so many layers of clothes I can't raise my arms up high enough to cover my mouth.

One of the most common triggers for my cough is a change in atmosphere -- from inside to outside or vice versa. So it was on Wednesday night when I stepped out the door of my workplace to go catch a bus. As I walked toward the bus I started to cough. I held my arm up over my mouth, but then I had to remove my arm so that I could reach inside my purse, open my wallet and retrieve my bus pass, as the bus drivers have requested that passengers have their tickets or passes ready before they board the bus. So I didn't have my hand or arm covering my mouth when I was standing at the door to the bus.

What happened? The bus driver closed the door in my face. She wouldn't let me on the bus. Why? Because "You should cover your mouth when you're coughing."

Two years ago a woman was actually kicked off a bus for coughing. She was covering her mouth at the time, but apparently that wasn't enough for the bus driver, who made her get off the bus "for the safety of the other passengers." This was publicized in the local newspapers but the transit company did not apologize or take any action.

So apparently if you have a cough, you'd better buy a car or walk to work/school/wherever you're going. Don't try to ride the bus.
link2 comments|post comment

at the table [Mar. 11th, 2012|01:57 am]

[mood |annoyedannoyed]

dear D.

3 years ago when you told me to wear something not black because i looked like a depressing person and then told me to paint my nails i fired you as my sponsor.

now you jump down my throat because i'm on a benzo and i can't be sober on a benzo! you need to BTFU! you are NOT my neurologist, you have no idea why i need this benzo and i tried to tell you i have been taken off it before to my detriment.

so back off and STFU!

sincerely, carmen
link9 comments|post comment

I need to vent [Feb. 11th, 2012|05:43 pm]

Ok, I need to vent about this. My roommate is new to town and new to being without a car, and apparently today she took the bus to Walmart to go shopping. When she returned she went on a 20-minute long rant about how terrible the bus system is. Now I'm a bit biased, and maybe she just had a bad experience, but I happen to think our bus system is the best thing ever, especially after my past experience with a previous city's bus system and hearing about other bus stories you guys have posted. I know a lot of the drivers by name and they have proven to be extremely friendly and considerate of people, especially those with disabilities. For the purposes of this community, though, I'll skip the other stuff she ranted about and tell you about the extremely able-ist part of the rant.

She says when she got on, the bus was nearly full. There were a few single seats in the back, but she decided to sit in the front, in one of the seats reserved for wheelchairs and the disabled and elderly. A few stops later, and it was now completely full, and then someone in the wheelchair gets on. The bus driver, of course, tells her to move so she can put up the four seats on one side and strap the wheelchair in, and my roommate seemed to think this was unreasonable. I wasn't there, but as far as I can tell she seemed to think that the bus driver should have only put up two seats and let her continue to sit where she was sitting. Anyone familiar with the way these particular buses are designed would know this is ridiculous; all four have to be put up for there to even be room to fit the wheelchair itself, not to mention the four straps that go on each corner of the chair to keep it secure. But anyways, she apparently had an argument with the driver, finally gave in and stood (like I said, by that time all seats had been taken), and then when she got home proceeded to criticize the bus driver, the bus for being designed the way it was, and even the wheelchair user for choosing to ride the bus at the same time as her. I tried pointing out that 1) Saturday afternoons are always busy and that when I shop on weeknights there are like 10 riders at most, and 2) she knew when she sat down that she was an able-bodied person sitting in the handicapped section of the bus, but she was having none of that. She just kept going off, spouting able-ist things about the wheelchair user, with a few sexist remarks about the woman driver and some questioning of her intelligence, at one point suggesting the woman was retarded. The more I protested, the worse she seemed to get, so I figured this would be a safe place to vent.
link9 comments|post comment

Using disabled people against each other [Feb. 7th, 2012|09:57 pm]

Lately I've been seeing the concept of the "gifted, magical, successful disabled person" being held up as a shining example of what all of us poor, lazy, not-trying-hard-enough disabled people could do if only we had a positive attitude and TRIED HARDER.

I keep encountering people who use the example of "This person has a disability and he/she is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company" or "He/she is a famous scientist/inventor" or "He/she has written best-selling books" or whatever other fantabulous thing this disabled person did. I think this is somehow supposed to be "inspirational," but to me it seems like when people tell me, "This disabled person has made this remarkable achievement" the unspoken rest of the sentence is "...so why haven't you?"

I've even seen this picture floating around Facebook of a small child running on prosthetic legs (supposedly; in the picture he appears to actually be standing still) with the caption "YOUR EXCUSE IS INVALID" meaning that whatever it is you say you can't do, it's just an excuse because obviously if this child can run on prosthetic legs then you're not allowed to say that you can't run because it will give you an asthma attack, or you can't "tune out" the blaring music coming from next door because you have an auditory processing disorder, or you can't figure out how to do your tax return because you have a learning disability that involves numbers.

Yes, because what one disabled person does, every disabled person can do. Stephen Hawking has ALS and he's a famous scientist, so therefore every person with ALS or any other disability can become a famous scientist.
link29 comments|post comment

[ viewing | 10 entries back ]
[ go | earlier/later ]